August 17, 2012
There
were many things that I discovered about myself, mission, community, ministry,
and spirituality today, and though I won’t be able to speak in great detail
about each, I will share them each in brief since this is just a reflection (and hopefully be able to go into depth later on them). I won’t have time
to discuss spirituality portion yet, but hope to be able to do that next week,
after Pastor Leo finishes up. (he was sick the second day of training this
week)
The
first thing that jumped out to me in today’s training was the nature of true
repentance. We talk often of repentance in the church, and our need to confess
our sins and turn from our wicked ways. And often times this results in change
of lifestyle, morals, and identity. Yet, I feel this happens less than it
should; and is taught about less than it should be. True repentance, of the 7 Deadly Sins in particular (pride,
envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, sloth) should be dealt with not only
through a personal repentance of ones heart (though that is where it starts),
but also with ones pocket books, habits, lifestyles, convictions,
relationships, etc. If there is no turning from one’s ways, or cutting off
those things that continue to lead one into sin, then there is no true
repentance.
The
second insight today was really the Spirit of the Lord at work, showing me my
weakness as a man and yet encouraging me through His Scriptures. As we discussed the 5 Models of Manhood in the Bible (King,
Priest, Warrior, Lover, Magician), and their shadow counterparts, I was
reminded of my weakness in both the Priest and Lover categories. As for
priests, the shadow priest is often ‘occupied with his own affairs and vices’
which sadly describes me more times than not. Though I was able to get beyond
this many times during my last 24/7 season of prayer in June/July where I was
praying 1-2 hours a day at our church, the plague of always thinking about and
praying for myself continues to haunt me. The second weakness that was revealed
to me was how often I feel like I am a shadow lover. Though I really desire to
know how to love people well, I feel more times than not that I am insincere
and not authentic in my love towards others. And part of this I feel is my
previous failures of being able to love past girlfriends for who they are,
beyond my simple attraction to them.
The
beauty in the day was that immediately after learning about these 5 Models of
Manhood in the Bible, and a section of teaching on women, we looked at 5 Theological Statements about Christians,
and were told to memorize one, then speaking it into the life of another person
in the class. The statement I
memorized was “You are God’s child, and He loves you with all His heart,” and
the statement my partner memorized was “God will take care of you. You have nothing
to fear.” Both of these spoke to
my weakness in the previous section on manhood. The first, of God’s love for
me, and his modeling what love looks like, speaks to my weakness as a shadow
lover. The second, that God will take care of me, speaks to my weakness as a
shadow Priest. Both of these statements, when made true in my life, can
continue to build me into a man of God and after His own heart.
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